Running this blog can be so much fun. The best part isn’t the great and positive feedback I get from 99% of my visitors… no, the best parts are the random comments and emails I occasionally get from the other 1% who stumble in here somehow (mostly likely in between halftime commercials on the way to the fridge for another Bud-lite) and feel motivated to crap out their intolerant, dimwitted observations.

Take for example the following comment I just received from a rather devoted and passionate fan of Anthony Bourdain, identified only by his chosen moniker of “Carnivore“. Isn’t that clever?

Hey here is a thought… How about all you hippies come up with your own recipes? Bourdain is an incredible chef who disagrees with your ways totally. He has that right. Doesn’t he? If you don’t like him or his ways then don’t buy his books or even bother changing his recipes. The fact that you are investing so much time and effort in it whatsoever proves you must be obsessed with him on some level. Just jealous because you aren’t as cool or as famous as he is… or is it the fact that you lack the ability to cook like he does so you just change around his recipes instead of coming up with your own?
Jeez…Get a life
Losers.

Wow Carnivore sure told me, huh? Way to put us hippies in our place man. You’re right, I am so totally jealous of and obsessed with Anthony Bourdain because I’m not as cool or famous. You’ve totally figured me out… how did you know? The best part Carnivore is that you seem to think you’re on the Hezbollah Tofu website, considering that those are the folks veganizing Bourdain’s recipes and having a fine time ridiculing him, not me.

For what it’s worth Carnivore, as far as time invested is concerned, it’s taken me about 10 minutes to write this response, while it probably took you about 3 or 4 hours to string those few sentences together… so let’s not be pointing any sticky fingers.

It’s funny to me how Anthony Bourdain seems to inspire such a following of devoted dudes ready to annihilate any hippie in their path who dares to say anything negative about him. What’s with all the straight-boy man-crushes these guys have for Bourdain? Is it his lanky, stunted-into-skinniness by cigarettes and too many years of consuming diseased duck liver physique that gets them all hot and bothered? Or is it just the thought of his crispy-fried-pork-skin breath kissing away their fears of broccoli and dark leafy greens that really gets them going? Whatever it is, I find their misdirected ire rather amusing. I wish these guys would just accept themselves for who they are, come out of the closet (or in this case, the meat-locker), and perhaps seek out advice from a gay love columnist instead of an obsessed hippie vegan food blogger who can’t cook.

Anyhow, I’m going to go ahead and assume that Carnivore is reaching out and that his comments are really just a cry for help. It appears that he’s desperately in need of some healthy, vegan recipes to help cool down that hair-trigger temper born of unrequited Bourdain-love. It’s ok Carnivore, I know what it’s like to have a broken heart (though mine was caused by getting dumped while yours is probably due to clogged arteries). In treating Carnivore’s condition I’d say it’s best to go for something raw and cleansing considering there’s probably a whole mess of ground beef, ketchup and lard stopping up his colon, no doubt adding to his cranky mood. Probably something gluten- and sugar-free too… the last thing our friend here needs is another spike in his blood sugar. If you’d like to help Carnivore who is so clearly in need, you can send your recipes, vegan lifestyle tips and animal rights/factory farming information to him at this address (which probably doesn’t really exist): pilotboy25@mail.com
IP: 68.60.205.217

(Update: Thanks to Foodtrance for letting us know that indeed the email address for the Cowardly Carnivore was bogus.)

(Update 2: Ok, I’ll take the high road. Apparently I gave at least one person out there the impression with my farcical rebuttal here that I am an intolerant, militant vegan, and a homophobe. The good news is that none of those are true, which is obvious to anyone who knows me or reads this blog. If you’ve read homophobia into my little rant about the straight-boys with boners for Anthony Bourdain than, well, you’re wrong.

Wow, this was really good! It’s the spicy chicken salad from Vegan Plate. I therefore don’t need to tell you it’s not real chicken, right?

“Soy chicken tossed in a spicy lime juice, served with red onion dressing on a bed of mixed greens”.

I asked for medium spicy and the heat level was just right. Their fake-chicken I already knew was awesome, but the lime and onion flavoring was just great. Even as an unabashed onion basher, I gotta say I loved it. It didn’t taste oniony at all, it was just very limey… a perfect mix of sweet, sour and spicy all in one plate. Good stuff I tell ya, good stuff!

This is the miso soup from Vegan Plate (take out). Yummy miso broth with seaweed, mushrooms and tofu, which I served over steamed brown rice.

Here we have the Larb Tofu from Vegan Plate (take out).

Minced tofu tossed in lime juice, chili, red onion (I opted out) and mint leaf. I used to love real larb made with beef or chicken, and I’ve enjoyed everything I’ve had so far from Vegan Plate, but I must admit I wasn’t a big fan of this salad. I’m not sure what exactly I didn’t like about it, just something about the flavor that didn’t do it for me.

It’s so rad that I can pick up the phone, place an order with Vegan Plate, and within half an hour, have incredible, fresh, delicious vegan Thai food delivered to my front door.

First off, the Tom-Yum soup was to die for. “Assorted mushrooms, tofu, tomato and exotic herbs in hot & sour lemongrass broth”. It’s exotic alright… with just enough sour and a hint of sweetness from the tomatoes. This was crazy good.

This lovely two-parter involves the mock-chicken satay (I was good and passed on the scrumptious peanut sauce that came with it) and the Chinese broccoli in a garlic sauce with seitan. Delicious all the way around.

This is the ginger dish from Vegan Plate (take out): “Stir-fried mushrooms, fresh ginger, garlic, green onion and bell pepper in chef’s special sauce.” I had mine with the soy chicken option, served on brown rice. Very good.

Took a friend from out of town to check out the Thai food goodness at Vegan Plate.

I had the mint leaves with the soy-shrimp. “Stir-fried mint leaves, fresh chili, garlic, onion and bell peppers”… so good. I think it was in a light soy-sauce base, tasty and not too salty (as soy-saucy things tend to be). You’re probably thinking: “But Foodeater, we thought you hated onions!”. Too true observant reader… yet as any true onion hater will tell you, we actually prefer large chunks of onions in our food like these seen here… they’re much easier to eat around or pick out when they’re big like this, rather than when they are small and sneaky. I do enjoy the flavor that cooked onions offer to a dish, it’s the actual onion itself I cannot abide. Big pieces like this make my job easy.

My buddy ordered the orange flavored soy-chicken. I generally don’t take pictures of what other people are eating, but not only was this totally beautiful and deserving of a photo, but I also tried some of it, therefore deeming it worthy of a spot on my blog. I wouldn’t dare order a giant plate of fried stuff like this for myself, but boy was I ready to encourage my friend to order it so that I could get a taste!

The batter was super crispy and sweet, reminding me of a donut or funnel cakes… made even sweeter by the syrupy, almost candy like sauce. Sounds kind of weird huh, all that sweetness paired with the meaty flavor of fake chicken… but man alive, did it ever work! This was the tastiest orange chicken I’ve ever had by far, vegetarian or otherwise, not to mention the prettiest.

Oh these were so tasty! Vegan Plate serves up this lovely appetizer dish of vegetable steamed dumplings slathered in a delicious green curry sauce. The sauce was rich with curry, coconut and basil… truly one of the tastiest green curries I’ve ever tried.

The “Green Power Salad” .This photo does not accurately convey the size of this beautiful monster! It’s so big that I’m really not sure how our tiny little waitress was able to carry it with one hand (I’m not kidding). Amazingly good, especially with their perfect peanut dressing. I ate about a third of it (along with the miso soup below) and was full, so I gave the leftovers to a homeless man.

Miso soup and iced chrysanthemum tea.

Thai spaghetti (rice vermicelli), soy chicken, romaine, bean sprouts and fresh herbs (I tasted lots of cilantro) wrapped in rice paper, served with hoisin sauce and chili paste. This was just an appetizer but so filling and tasty that I didn’t order anything else, other than Chrysanthemum tea.